patience…

i think that there is now truly patient person on this planet. if anyone says they are then i would have to call bullshit. i don’t know, maybe it is just me who is full of shit. i just sitting here waiting and i feel like jumping out of my skin because i can’t take not knowing what her answer is gonna be. i know that i told her that i would wait but that was a lie. we are either gonna move foward or she is gonna tell me to fuck the fuck off. just sitting in a vat of of worry. there is a part of me that wishes she would tell me to fuck off - cause sometimes loneliness can appear to be much easier to take then hurt caused by someone other than yourself. i shouldn’t say that. i want her and it makes me feel like a kid, some snotty-nosed, four-ied kid who wants what they want no matter what. i don’t want her because i’m lonely but because the thought of her makes me smile. i said what i said to her and now i’m just waiting for her to tell me what she is thinking. people sometimes, right? patience… not fucking around here, that’s for damn sure.

not safe for facebook…

Imma gonna be real and say this; I feel the same way about being gay right now the way blacks felt in the 60’s-70’s. I’ve been thinking about this for the past week. I think because if folks said racists things about blacks I know everybody would be raising hell. But when I hear homophobic remarks (at work or school) nobody says a thing. Gay plight is not the same as black plight - but no minority group has the monopoly on being discriminated against. Just thinking out loud.” - Me.

this was just on facebook and i took it down. why? i took it down because this is a censored post. i really wanted to say that i feel that i hear more shit about gay folks then i do about women, blacks and big girls. kids are killing themselves because they are teased at school about their sexuality and it seems to not matter. at this point we don’t gasp but sigh when another child takes his/her/hir life. i sorta feel like i’m in the damn twilight zone.

i’ve become one of those people that doesn’t watch the news any more. like i use to watch the news as a child with great patience and empathy. i don’t have the aptitude for all that grief/nonsense/distance in my head. i have this concentrated worry that is pressed against my head and chest. i’m gullible but not optimistic.

patience…

i think that there is now truly patient person on this planet. if anyone says they are then i would have to call bullshit. i don’t know, maybe it is just me who is full of shit. i just sitting here waiting and i feel like jumping out of my skin because i can’t take not knowing what her answer is gonna be. i know that i told her that i would wait but that was a lie. we are either gonna move foward or she is gonna tell me to fuck the fuck off. just sitting in a vat of of worry. there is a part of me that wishes she would tell me to fuck off - cause sometimes loneliness can appear to be much easier to take then hurt caused by someone other than yourself. i shouldn’t say that. i want her and it makes me feel like a kid, some snotty-nosed, four-ied kid who wants what they want no matter what. i don’t want her because i’m lonely but because the thought of her makes me smile. i said what i said to her and now i’m just waiting for her to tell me what she is thinking. people sometimes, right? patience… not fucking around here, that’s for damn sure.

not safe for facebook…

Imma gonna be real and say this; I feel the same way about being gay right now the way blacks felt in the 60’s-70’s. I’ve been thinking about this for the past week. I think because if folks said racists things about blacks I know everybody would be raising hell. But when I hear homophobic remarks (at work or school) nobody says a thing. Gay plight is not the same as black plight - but no minority group has the monopoly on being discriminated against. Just thinking out loud.” - Me.

this was just on facebook and i took it down. why? i took it down because this is a censored post. i really wanted to say that i feel that i hear more shit about gay folks then i do about women, blacks and big girls. kids are killing themselves because they are teased at school about their sexuality and it seems to not matter. at this point we don’t gasp but sigh when another child takes his/her/hir life. i sorta feel like i’m in the damn twilight zone.

i’ve become one of those people that doesn’t watch the news any more. like i use to watch the news as a child with great patience and empathy. i don’t have the aptitude for all that grief/nonsense/distance in my head. i have this concentrated worry that is pressed against my head and chest. i’m gullible but not optimistic.

patience…
not safe for facebook…

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